E sabe, tem vezes que eu penso nuns posts bem bonitos para escrever aqui. Posts leves e felizes, que retratem a felicidade que � ter o Pipa ao meu lado. A�,n�o sei como, bem na hora que estou com o teclado na minha frente, um sentimento do�do chega e se torna um monstr�o. Mas quer saber? Hoje, pelo menos por hoje eu decidi que vou ser feliz. Que porra nenhuma de neurose, de ondas negativas me procurem. Hoje eu n�o estou, ok? Dona Vera sempre lembra desse prov�rbio basco (ali�s, meu outro sobrenome, Xavier, � basco):"Viver bem � a melhor vingan�a".Meus textos tristes s�o lindos, tocantes, e sim, at� me ajudam, mas hoje eu quero ser feliiiiz. �: levar o moleque para andar de bicicleta, fazer um suco de uva bem geladinho na volta, ver pela mil�sima vez o Shrek, rir com todas as piadas de novo, encher ele de c�cegas, e ouvir, pacientemente, todas suas perguntas e quest�es vitais, me chamar : '� m�����e, manh�!" na velocidade de 0,3 palavras por segundo...fazer c�cegas onde ele mais ri, dormir agarrada com ele...aguentar seu mau humor quando acorda: "Qui d�ga!".Vou aproveitar enquanto posso cham�-lo de meu e eu sou a mulher mais importante da vida dele.Acho que � por isso que devemos ser m�es.

A friend pointed m an  interview w/ LauraBush, in which she discusses the love she shares w/ the pres. The obedient wife, she married him age 31--and what was she doing with her life, out of college, on her own, for the 10 years before then? Was she a virgin? (My friend thinks yes). Do you want to know her advice to a newlywed? (Pay attention, pay close attention to your husband during your first year together, because first years are rocky and telling.)

All I remember about Laura comes from the origin of poetsagainstthewar, when she invited Sam Hamill to attend a White House symposium on Dickinson, Whitman, and Hughes.

How can you not compare this significant lack of information and attention with the media's nasty slanderous representation of Bill and Hilary?

As I was writing this, a knock on the door: two young men (Mormons?) wearing Jesus pins, want to save me. I am here to enjoy my sins, thank you very much. Maybe a gangbang

Highlights: getting car fixed so I can make a roadtrip to Omaha! And I now own custom-fitted new sneakers, with creamsicle/ibook orange stripes, so I can pound pavement for a Sunday morning mini-marathon. Duh. Rally tonight, writing to do...

My therapists keep asking me to consider going back on meds. The signs are all there, etc, except what I don't tell them is that not only am I experiencing all the classic signs, but I am also experiencing their opposite, simultaneously. I am a walking living breathing contradiction. If I describe myself one way, usually the opposite is also true. I'm tired and wide awake. I hate/love everybody. I want to live, I want to die. I care, I don't care. Time moves quickly, time moves slowly. I'm one thing and the other, at once. Talk about the ambivalence, one tells me. It feels like holding down the lid of an exploding bomb. It feels like a center tearing apart in every direction. Opposing forces. In every thing. Making one decision means I make the other decision in my mind. Always hovering over what I'm not, almost with glee, knowing it is also me, a possibility, flashing on and off, up and down, in and out, one and two, sensitive and numb, so that I am in permanent vaccillation, spiraling out of grasp, within whatever I grasp